Category Archives: humour

The Creature

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Sometimes our writing is inspired by the least expected things, isn’t it?

I hear you creature. Thudding around up there, clawing at dark crevices in your desperate attempts to flee. Why do you run now, when your invasion was a success? Is it because your plunder is now your prison. Although your prison is in fact your refuge. From me. Because I don’t appreciate my home being invaded, my possessions defiled, my comfort ruffled. Your arrival may have been at your choice, however your departure is very much at mine. And don’t think that you can leave before I have your head for a crumb of cheese.

JSno may be dead. But..

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Olly, you are in sooo much trouble. How much trouble? Thats right..

In a fever induced delirium the other night my thoughts turned, as one would naturally expect at 3am, to Westeros and the  deceased state of one Jon “Bastard” Snow of Winterfell.

The soul sapping virus within me (perhaps its from Asshai) offers a theory which I’m throwing out there into the fighting pit of  theoretic frenzy on everyone’s favourite Snow.

Here goes:

1. Jon Snow as we knew him is dead, but he’ll be back. He just won’t be the exactly same person, as previous examples of revivals have shown (a la Dondarrion and Stoneheart). They’re always a bit ‘different’ when they come back, but so long as he’s a bit more animated than the Khal Drogo effort, we can gloss over the fine print can’t we?

2. Whether he is Azor Ahai or not is yet to be seen, but if he is half Targaryen, and especially of the future dragon riding variety, then he probably isn’t going to have a problem with fire, so;

3. When his traitor “brothers” stick him on the funeral pyre, what if he doesn’t actually burn because he’s Jon Snow-Targaryen afterall and they don’t get burnt do they, and he’s back (thanks to Melisandre), and look his sword’s aflame now just like Stannis’s was supposed to be; and

4. He’s technically been dead now, so his “Watch” has ended and he’s no longer bound to his oath. Because really, we’ve got two more books and who knows how many seasons of the tv show to get through – and if this whole Ice and Fire thing is about Jon Snow then we can’t afford to have him moping about on the Wall feeling guilty for being alive the whole time. JSno needs to go global.

As for my own fate, well the one thing I’ve learnt from the lives of the Westerosi’s is that things can always get worse. Cold sore is coming.

Mondays Finish the Story- The Unenthusiastic Helper

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Here’s my contribution to this week’s Mondays Finish the Story challenge provided by Barbara Beecham. It’s a frivolous tale, but I’m working on a dark, depressing story behind the scenes at the moment, and needed some comic relief.. 🙂

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, the god of the underworld was flossing his teeth when there was a knock on the door. “Evening sir, I’m Allen from Bunged Up Plumbing Services.. you rang about a water leak?”

The god of the underworld led Allen around to the back of his house and showed him the view.

“Right. Looks like you’ve got a bit of a problem here sir.”

The god of the underworld turned to Allen. “As you can see, hell is flooded. Winter, as we know, is coming and I can’t afford to let the place freeze over, as that has serious implications for my reputation. So you need to fix it.” He gave Allen the look of death. “Now.”

“Well this looks like a pretty big job, don’t think I could do it right now.. I’ll need to find the leak, give you a quote… could take a few days..”

The next day, Allen was dead.